Saturday, October 25, 2008

Things I Know For Sure

Welcome to a new piece I'd like to call Things I Know For Sure. I shall endeavour to bestow upon you, Dear Reader, the little knowledge nuggets I've picked up over the years.

Let's not waste any time.

Do NOT let your mother design and make your prom outfit. Has no one learned anything from House of Deréon?

Also, if you're the boy, only ask ONE girl. If you're a girl, be the ONLY girl. This will only end up a tragedy of epic (or in this case, ghetto fabulous) proportions. Did NO ONE watch Popular?

If you're going to get into porn, or if you are already in porn and making some good money, for Christ's sake!! Get your teef fixed!

...and Paris is the Goddess.

Music is a drug.

When in doubt, believe the label.

Do NOT kiss with your eyes open.
It's creepy, and if someone is watching, you look like a corpse.

Also, if your hair is going, just let it go. Say goodbye. Your head should not resemble an OXO dishwashing brush. It is just not right. Let go and let bald.

And finally....

Mariah Carey and Bruce Villanch could very well be the same person.


  1. Maria and Bruce CANNOT be the same person because, as we know, Bruce is smart and witty.



you better make this good.


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